


Five times sex didn't go right (and one time it went oh so good)

by justmeandmysillystuff



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Blowjobs, Comedy, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Public Sex, Sex, these dorks ffs, they tried so hard tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmeandmysillystuff/pseuds/justmeandmysillystuff
Summary: To its best, life is umpredictable.





	1. Five times sex didn't go right

1) One night, only just a few months after they got together, they went out clubbing with Chris during one of their visits to Switzerland. Yuuri’s drinking had got quite out of hand, and let’s just say his walk to the hotel hadn’t been exactly on a straight line. Viktor suggested they should just go to sleep for the night, but Yuuri was insistent, and they ended up having sex instead. They went with simple missionary, since they didn’t want to complicate things even more for a drunkard mind, and Yuuri topped clumsily but with enough enthusiasm for Viktor to let him keep going.

It was only after a while, when he was finally beginning to feel it, that he noticed his boyfriend looked quite off. He asked if he felt alright, or if maybe he needed to stop, but Yuuri kept thrusting, reassuring him that he was fine, and that he should just lay back and enjoy.

Not even thirty seconds went by before he suddenly froze, quickly turned his head to the side of the bed, and threw up his entire stomach over the hotel’s white carpet.

Viktor was certainly disappointed. But not as much as the cleaning service lady.

2) Once they had both been invited to quite a fancy ISU event, and so they decided to go shopping for some new smart clothing together. Yuuri was dragged into the shop of what probably was the most expensive brand in the entire mall, and after the daily argument of “Your sponsor’s money won’t last forever, Viktor”, he finally gave up. He didn’t even look at the shirts, he looked at the labels, checking the prices and feeling the bite of his wallet through his pocket, so he ended up picking the cheapest one and taking it to the changing booth.

He was barely beginning to get used to the idea of using that ugly lilac chemise, when he saw the door being open through the mirror’s reflection. And before he could turn and claim the booth was taken, Viktor was already inside and forcing their mouths into a kiss.

“What are you doing??”

“I don’t know, I just came here to show you how this tie looked on me but fuck, you look way hotter”

What started as a sneaky making out session, ended up with Viktor unbuckling his new belt and fucking Yuuri against the booth’s door, making him bite on his tie to muffle the noises, drove by the mere excitement of being in public. However, as they were getting close and Viktor instinctively sped up the pace, a particularly hard thrust got the lock to break and the door to fly open, with both of them falling to the floor in the middle of the shop half-naked and tangled in a ball of limbs.

Thankfully, the store wasn’t really that full at the moment, and Viktor was a regular buyer so they didn’t call security. It was an extremely embarrassing moment, nevertheless, and Yuuri blushed for three days straight.

They bought the lilac shirt though.

3) On some rainy afternoon, when they were both on their thirties and their daughter was barely five, they got bored of being locked in all day and they were horny. Their kid seemed to be way too entertained and distracted with her racing car toys, so they knew she wouldn’t really notice if they disappeared into the room for a while. They closed the door, of course, and made sure not to make any noise just in case. But just when they were getting to the good part, with Yuuri’s legs opened and awaiting, they couldn’t seem to find the lube.

“Where is it? Did we finish it?”

“I bought a strawberry flavored one last week!”

“Hmm, go check if you misplaced it somewhere”

Viktor put on some pants at the speed of light, letting his husband hard and impatient under the sheets as he waited for him to return. However, as he opened the door and wandered where he could have left the thing, he heard an odd slurping sound coming from across the room.  He turned find his daughter smiling at him, hands and face glossy, mouth dripping, and a familiar red bottle in hand.

“HONEY NO!”

4) During one of their practice days, when they stayed on the ice for hours, Viktor’s butt was looking unusually gorgeous and Yuuri couldn’t resist. He gave him a light squeeze, testing the waters, which received quite an approving smirk for an answer, so they decided to head towards the toilets. They thought it was a good idea, since it was already quite late and there weren’t many people around. They got into a stall, turned off the lights to pretend there was nobody there, and Yuuri got to do more with that glorious butt than just staring at it.

The sex was great, but the real problem was when they got out of the toilet and realized the rink was already closed and that they had been locked inside.

They ended up having to call the police to get them out, explaining they had just been in the toilet and didn’t notice when they closed up. The janitor was outraged, saying he had checked the bathrooms before he locked. And Viktor and Yuuri really had no excuses to explain what could possibly have them so occupied as not to notice they were closing, so they just acted like the janitor needed some holidays because he was imagining things.

5) Once, while they were staying at a fancy hotel, Viktor tried to make things romantic and ordered some champagne through room service. It was their anniversary, after all, and he wanted their stay to be special. His husband was, of course, very pleased with the idea, and as they came back from dinner he was eager to have a drink.

They were naked under the silky sheets, drinking, talking and kissing every now and then, when things began to spice up. A bit tipsy already, they began to caress each other, kissing their chests and necks, and whispering sweet nothings into their ears. Caught in the moment Yuuri asked him for a blowjob, and obviously Viktor was more than willing to comply. So without giving it too much thought, he gulped down what remained in his flute and got under the covers right away, not wanting to keep him waiting.

But as soon as he wrapped his mouth around his cock, taking it all at once, Yuuri let out a pained scream and he pulled out, horrified. Apparently, it wasn’t a good idea to suck someone’s dick with a mouth full of alcohol, and it got Yuuri’s skin to feel like burning as they fanned his crotch with a magazine for a bunch of minutes until it stopped hurting.

Both of them lost their hard-on.

 


	2. The one time it went oh so good

If they had had to predict how one of the best sexual experiences of their entire lives would be, they would have never guessed it would be thanks to JJ.

Apparently it was for real when he said he could sing, and his sponsors organized quite a huge recital in his home country and invited literally everyone. Viktor and Yuuri laughed about the matter for a whole week, thankful they wouldn’t have to go since they had the excuse of being in another country, and made fun of Celestino who was forced to go as his former coach.

It didn’t take them long to realize that it happened to be in the Skate Canada week, and they were both supposed to be there.  Celestino said it was karma.

The event itself was as bad as they had imagined. JJ’s face was everywhere, the music was so loud they couldn’t even talk, and they didn’t know what kind of sorcery was to blame but everyone in Canada seemed to love that obnoxious man, and the place was crowded. And, unlike Celestino, they didn’t have VIP passes. Which meant they had to bear being squished by the horde, and that they would have to deal with drunk, irresponsible people (Yes, it was definitely karma).

However, after a sturdy guy almost elbows Yuuri on the face, Viktor grabbed his fiancé between his arms. At first, it was just meant as a security measure, but Yuuri found the gesture endearing, and hugged Viktor’s arms around him as he moved to the beat of the music. Needless to say, to have him rubbing against his crotch, in the middle of a crushing crowd, brought certain inconveniences, and Viktor found himself growing hard.

At first he thought Yuuri was oblivious to the matter, but as he grabbed one of his hands in his and slyly chartered it all the way down to his own bulge, he realized he was very much aware of what he was doing. He was surprised, but certainly not disappointed, and decided to play along by caressing his sides and the skin of his stomach under his shirt, trusting the mob to cover their misdeeds. It didn’t take them long to ditch the concert area and sneak into the backstage, where they happened to find a neglected supply room that looked much more appealing than the dirty toilets and seemed to be away from everyone’s field of sight.

They fucked through the entire recital.

And it wasn’t only the fact they were missing the performance what made it fantastic, but also the adrenaline of being in such a public place, the walls vibrating to the beat of the music, and the volume being so loud they didn’t have to worry about their moans and screams. They were sweaty, panting, their hair a mess; Yuuri leaning over a speaker while Viktor took him from behind, grunting and whining like animals, calling each other’s names.

Yuuri’s top ended up dirty with cum in the process, so they had to take one of the JJ promotional shirts, and by the time they exited the place the media even applauded them for being so supportive of their fellow skater and using his merchandice. The devil seemed to be on their side that day.

JJ felt proud, Yuuri and Viktor got laid, and everyone was happy.

 

(No one needed to know)

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request for my tumblr blog life-love-and-alcohol  
> Go meet me there if you have any requests! :D


End file.
